A culture that keeps fundraisers engaged – 1-on-1 meetings (part 2)

Welcome back! In Part 1, we talked about the principles behind powerful 1-on-1s and the role of the Coach. Now, let’s dig into the “how”, from preparing the right space to developing core coaching skills.

           1. Start with the Right Environment

           Make sure the meeting space is free from distractions, whether it’s a quiet spot in the office, a calm Café place, or a chill Zoom call are some ideas to start from.

           Giving your fundraisers a little nudge to show up with a topic in mind works wonders for keeping the meetings sharp and efficient. “Let’s talk about something which is really important to you these days” or “Think about a goal that you are working on, or one that you would like to start working on” are a few way you can phrase the invitation.

           2. The Importance of Rapport

           Just like you wouldn’t start a street conversation with a deep question, ease into the session with a bit of small talk. A simple “What’s going well for you lately?” or “What made you smile today?” can open the door to a natural flow. Even though people are different, safety and connection are fundamental needs. Just be present and curious.

           3. Core Coaching Skills: Passive and Active

           When it comes to skills, it’s easy to see them like this - passive and active:

Passive

           These are some of the skills that great fundraisers naturally bring to life in the field, or you can spot them when someone is genuinely curious and invested in others:

• Punctuation Words: Simple affirmations like “Yes,” “Great,” or “Wow” encourage openness. Keep them balanced and spray them at the end of your Coachee’s sentences.

• Eye Contact: Keep it warm and light. If you do it too much it can become awkward, but if you do it too little, you may seem uninterested. Like most things, moderation is key.

• Keyword Repetition: Repeating some of the words they’re saying helps the connection a lot. You should do it with positive words and the tone must be similar to the Coachee’s.

If someone would say “More self confidence would make my life a whole lot better”, I could say “A whole lot better…” or

If someone would say “Alin, I overcame my biggest challenge by being proactive!”, I could say “Being proactive…”

           If you have not tried this out before, it might come across as awkward or unnatural. Don’t sweat it and just give it a try. Uber drivers or customer service can be a good starting point.

• Respect the Silence: Not interrupting the silence is one of the most important skills that you need to know. If they’re thinking, give them the space to process. This is the best time for you to smile and remain curious.

• Low Positioning: Approach each conversation with humility and an open mind. You are not there to give advice, but rather to discover with the Coachee the best path forward.

Active

           Some of the following might need more practice. Just be patient and trust the process.

• Active Listening: This is about hearing what it is not said. It means focusing on the feelings and emotions behind the Coachee’s words.

Coachee: "It feels like it's getting harder to convince people to donate. Sometimes, I wonder if this job is for me." Coach: "It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated and maybe discouraged. You have had some rough days.”

Coachee: "There are too few people around."
Coach: "Sounds like you’re worried about missing your target, and maybe anxious about income or job security."

Coachee: "People here are just so mean. It feels impossible to get through to them."
Coach: "It seems like you're not just frustrated, but maybe feeling drained from dealing with so much resistance.”

           I believe this is the most important skill, not only for coaching, but for creating healthy relationships in general. I remember the first time I really applied it. After coming home from the training where I’d learned about it, I found my girlfriend had had a tough day. Instead of trying to coach her, I chose to apply what I had just learned. It was amazing how quickly she felt understood, and that was exactly what she needed in that moment.

           Since then, I’ve made this skill a cornerstone of how I navigate all my work relationships. It’s the same principle that sets the gold standard for customer service at Amazon and the same skill FBI negotiators rely on to de-escalate tense, high-stakes situations.

• Contracting: Start with the end in mind

           Just like I said in the beginning, you are more like a taxi driver. If you don’t know the destination, you cannot take your client anywhere. This part comes naturally after a little rapport and there are a few questions that I normally use: “What do you want to get out of your session today?” or “How will you recognize that this session has been useful at the end?”. Whatever the case, you just need to begin with the end in mind.

• Goal Setting: Close each session with a clear, measurable goal.

           What can’t be measured, cannot be improved upon. Having a specific goal that they can focus on helps a lot with motivation. Also helps you to keep them accountable in the next sessions.

           4. Simple Coaching Strategies

           When it comes to coaching, this part is what most people think about. Questions! Or strategies how I like to call them. Of course they are very important, but remember that the real star is the listening part. There’s also a principle that goes something like this “The quality of the thinking is directly proportional to the quality of the listening ”.

           For simplicity’s sake, I will leave you with three strategies that are easy to use and remember:

• Past: Have you had a similar situation in the past? What has worked then? What would you like to avoid now?

• Present: What are your top 3 qualities that your friends know you have? How can you use these to achieve your goal?

• Future: If you had a magic wand to achieve exactly what you desire, can you describe that?

           After each question, give them time to think. Sometimes they’ll open up with minimal nudging, other times a simple “What else?” will keep them going. Very important -  these strategies DON’T work if you don’t know the Coachee’s destination, so don’t overlook the contracting phase.

           To be honest, most of the time, all you need is a good Contracting and Active Listening to place your Coachee in a resourceful state, thus helping them get what they need.

           If all of this looks like a lot, take it one step at a time. Start with active listening, then move on to goal-setting practices, and be patient with yourself.

           Either working with fundraisers, junior leaders or senior managers, these sessions will genuinely add value to building a culture that keeps your people engaged.

           My friend, thank you for reading this article! If you have any feedback, suggestions, or just want a free coaching session, reach out at alin@didof2f.com.

          Next time, we’ll talk about creating culture in the field. Until then, stay connected, and Trust The Process.